Packing and Reflecting

Art Journal, The Road

Today started with a dream. I won’t tire you with all the details, but I was aware I was dreaming and I enjoy dreaming. At the end of the dream I was sitting on a bench trying to take a photographs of waterspouts over the ocean and to the left of me there was a fire burning the world. I was not scared as it was a dream. I thought: this is a strange dream even for me. Then my father came and sat by me and told me I had to go through the fire.

I’ll be unpacking the symbolism of that for some time. Today however, I am packing my art supplies up in used tackle boxes, very convenient those. I got to thinking about the all the different ways my life could be right now. Less than a year ago I imagined putting all my extra energy into an art gallery with the Marquette Artist Collective. Four years ago I wasn’t putting any effort into being an artist. Ten years ago I had just graduated with a BFA in fine arts. Fifteen years ago I was completely lost and floundering.

Today I am packing up my work and supplies. I have a loose idea of finding inspiration in the great unknown and tracking down new opportunities to build my art career while living in a camper with two large dogs, a cat and a husband.

I have so many regrets about leaving. I had to re-home several cats and that was heart breaking. I had to let go of everything I worked to build in the Marquette Artist Collective. I also had to come to terms with the state my garden would be in. I finally let it go. I had to resign from a day job that I loved and say goodbye to people there that I will never see again.

I will always have a conflicted nature. I will always wonder about the path not taken. There is a surreal quality to the days as we get closer to leaving. I will finally slake my wanderlust. Was it an easy decision? No. Will it be worth it? I sure hope so.

Identity Crisis

Art Journal, Thoughts

Today I question who I am as an artist vs. who I want to be. My head is cleaved with ideas I want to pursue and my shoulders weighed down in reality. There are a few things that I know to be true:

  • I get inspiration from literally everywhere. I want to capture the world with my eyes and hands.
  • I cannot create everything.
  • Yet I keep harvesting new inspirations from artists, my environment, online
  • In the future I will have limited space for creating works and storing them.
  • I get bored working in the same medium, I like to explore. I am compelled to.
  • I forget myself and try to make work that will please the world. When I do this I usually fail.
  • I am not a photographer, but I like to take digital photos.
  • I pay attention to textures.
  • I’m drawn to expressive works, but my work is highly controlled and representational.
  • Today I focus on wildlife in my work, but in the past I created emotional biographical works.

Media I have worked in:

Corvid Study no. 1
  • Photoshop
  • Digital photography
  • Acrylic Painting
  • Oil painting
  • Pencil
  • Ink
  • Alcohol ink
  • Up-cycled wood boxes
  • Found beach objects: flotsam mobile type works
  • Acrylic and alcohol ink on up-cycled windows/ canvas/ mixed-media
  • Block printing
  • Clay

Themes that interest me

  • Water
  • Places people leave behind
  • Death and our relationship to it
  • Archetypes
  • Symbolism
  • Patterns in nature
  • Birds
  • Cats
  • Up-cycling
  • Trees
  • Textures
  • Wabi Sabi

What I want:

  • Harvest new experiences and work them into a new body of work
  • Document the metamorphosis
  • Use media creatively, wisely and expressively
  • Narrow down my media choices
  • Find myself as an artist
  • Create fine art, but still have it accessible to a wide range of people.

I am overwhelmed by all the possible ways I could make art. My brain is drowning in ideas and I am paralyzed by choices. The more cerebral I get about the task at hand the more paralyzed and indecisive I am.

Who am I? And what is my art about?