Today started with a dream. I won’t tire you with all the details, but I was aware I was dreaming and I enjoy dreaming. At the end of the dream I was sitting on a bench trying to take a photographs of waterspouts over the ocean and to the left of me there was a fire burning the world. I was not scared as it was a dream. I thought: this is a strange dream even for me. Then my father came and sat by me and told me I had to go through the fire.
I’ll be unpacking the symbolism of that for some time. Today however, I am packing my art supplies up in used tackle boxes, very convenient those. I got to thinking about the all the different ways my life could be right now. Less than a year ago I imagined putting all my extra energy into an art gallery with the Marquette Artist Collective. Four years ago I wasn’t putting any effort into being an artist. Ten years ago I had just graduated with a BFA in fine arts. Fifteen years ago I was completely lost and floundering.
Today I am packing up my work and supplies. I have a loose idea of finding inspiration in the great unknown and tracking down new opportunities to build my art career while living in a camper with two large dogs, a cat and a husband.
I have so many regrets about leaving. I had to re-home several cats and that was heart breaking. I had to let go of everything I worked to build in the Marquette Artist Collective. I also had to come to terms with the state my garden would be in. I finally let it go. I had to resign from a day job that I loved and say goodbye to people there that I will never see again.
I will always have a conflicted nature. I will always wonder about the path not taken. There is a surreal quality to the days as we get closer to leaving. I will finally slake my wanderlust. Was it an easy decision? No. Will it be worth it? I sure hope so.
Today I question who I am as an artist vs. who I want to be. My head is cleaved with ideas I want to pursue and my shoulders weighed down in reality. There are a few things that I know to be true:
I get inspiration from literally everywhere. I want to capture the world with my eyes and hands.
I cannot create everything.
Yet I keep harvesting new inspirations from artists, my environment, online
In the future I will have limited space for creating works and storing them.
I get bored working in the same medium, I like to explore. I am compelled to.
I forget myself and try to make work that will please the world. When I do this I usually fail.
I am not a photographer, but I like to take digital photos.
I pay attention to textures.
I’m drawn to expressive works, but my work is highly controlled and representational.
Today I focus on wildlife in my work, but in the past I created emotional biographical works.
Media I have worked in:
Up-cycled wood boxes
Found beach objects: flotsam mobile type works
Acrylic and alcohol ink on up-cycled windows/ canvas/ mixed-media
Themes that interest me
Places people leave behind
Death and our relationship to it
Patterns in nature
What I want:
Harvest new experiences and work them into a new body of work
Document the metamorphosis
Use media creatively, wisely and expressively
Narrow down my media choices
Find myself as an artist
Create fine art, but still have it accessible to a wide range of people.
I am overwhelmed by all the possible ways I could make art. My brain is drowning in ideas and I am paralyzed by choices. The more cerebral I get about the task at hand the more paralyzed and indecisive I am.